OH, I SELL SEX TOYS BTW

 “Oh, I sell sex toys btw….” I’d let that slip out mid conversation, you have no idea the world of conversation that statement opens. 

It gets people curious, everyone wants to know more. Be it in approval or disapproval, everyone wants to know more.

I mean, who doesn’t want to know more about sex?

About this innocent looking pretty baby faced chiqa, what was going through her mind when she thought about it huh? 

The initial thought behind it was of course, the cash. I saw an opportunity. A lot of demand and pretty lousy supply. 

The market was growing, still is really. Everyone, but mostly women are now coming into their sexuality. Embracing who they are, the lady in the streets but a damn freak in the sheets!

I mean it is pretty understandable.

The data as of now states that 80% of women cannot achieve an orgasm just through penetration. 

Even the 20% of those who can, kinda takes a while with some special effects.

Look at it like this, in your family, all the women. In every 10, probably only 2 have achieved orgasms in their whole lives. From your mum, your aunties, your sisters, your friends.

With all the benefits; physical, mental, heck, even spiritual, that’s pretty sad right?

So why not experiment? It is kinda ok now. with us millennials and gen zs. The trend is set to continue, just saying. 

You know that theorem of evolution according to natural selection? Uh, right, Charles Darwin’s the guy.

Sometimes you just got to adapt with the times, the companies that didn’t take up the internet when it started really struggled to catch up. Brands that aren’t taking up digital and social media marketing at this moment in time, have a pretty bleak future. 

Nimesema chenye nimesema!

But now, with that statement, “Oh, I sell sex toys by the way,” I have learned so much more. What started out as just a girl in the right place at the right time with the ability to recognize an opportunity when it is thrown her way, and use it to her advantage, to make money, now it is about giving back, the best way I know how. On social media. 

Check out this story.

The very first time I squirted, was in the shower, my dad’s to be specific. In his house.

Yeah yeah, before you start judging me, no it wasn’t intentional. And no, it wasn’t with a guy. 

Heh, ebu get your head out of the gutters. It wasn’t a girl either.

I was by myself.

With the showerhead. 

No you dummy, the water jets.

It does wonders on the clit, good heavens. I just got hot. All flustered and bothered now. 

Damn. Lemme chill at the balcony for a minute, nichapwe na upepo kidogo, eeeh, waaah…..ni kubaya!

It was that good!

The very first paycheck I got, from that census gig,  I ordered my first vibrators.

 

The first shipment came in back in 2020, Jan I think, just before Rona hit. But the idea came about way back  in 2017, when I was still in school. The shower episode just sealed the deal. That yeap, that was the type of business I wanted to be in.

This is the story of how. How sex toys ever came to my mind as a business project.

The Feels & Toys Foundation, formally Feels and Toys, was, still is, the biggest fights I’ve had with my folks. My ex had real issues with it too.

“Sasa Deeeeee,” he prolonged it like only he could.  “How will I tell my friends and family that my girl sells sextoys.” That was his very first remark. Ps, that was also the very first time he called me his girl.

I never planned on it, I guess you can say that it found me. The thought of sex toys as a great business opportunity just sprung up on me like a sudden chill. A friend of mine came to me, 

“Dee, I want a present for Joy, her birthday’s coming up. Know anything up her lane?” He asked.

“Something crazy for sure!” I retorted. The possibilities already getting me excited. 

“So, you know where I can get something like a vibrator? A dildo maybe?” He went on.

“Ahh iyo tu, you know I got you! Vile umekuja I almost thought you were about to ask for the moon hehe…”

I didn’t know shit!

Not at the time. 

I didn’t even know the difference between a vibrator and a dildo. I was so new at the game that my only reference was one guy, just one. How he thought me a plug to get him such I still don’t know. Do I just look it? Does my face scream I am so sexually empowered that I know all this shit!?

Ata usijibu….

But who am I? Mimi ni nani?!  Why let an opportunity to make money slide? And hey, gotta keep the reputation going. I loved how they thought I knew it all. 

Told him to chill a bit, I’ll send him the types and pricing later in the day. 

Sema kufanya research! My girlfriends and I got at it like frantic mothers hosting that years annual family get together. On our rounds kwa mtandao, oh the can of worms we opened! The discoveries we made, from all the studies, people are having real shitty sex man! And that’s even not the worst part, most aren’t even having it at all. Married couples kwanza. Vile the benefits of it are like wow!!! A painkiller, stress reliever, an amazing workout, greater bonding, more connection, one hell of a skin care routine. Heck, even your hair and nails glow…..why wouldn’t people be having it more?! Exploring some more?! 

I had just uncovered a gold mine!!!,,,,

The data out here, the market out here, the fetishes out here, and the insecurities out here! Oh man, the insecurities out here wah! The thing is, many want to have sex, great sex, amazing sex. They also wanna be able to say proudly that they please their partner/ partners. No one wants to be bad in bed, good guys and fuck boys a like, great performance strokes ones ego. I’m sure you get that right? 

Disclaimer, you get all those benefits only when it is consensual and with the right person done in the right way. And what is the right way you ask? For me, I’ve come to learn, is trying different shit. 

Different styles, positions, angles, taking charge, letting go, letting loose, embracing your sexuality wholly, fully and entirely! Letting go of the body to do its thing, do its dance, believe me the rhythm has always been there, it just needs to be tapped! Baby, that’s called releasing the freak! That dirty little mrs you know is in there somewhere. 

He ended up getting something different for her and I forgot that whole story for a while, just a little while…..

Till the very first time I squirted, in my dad’s house. His bathroom to be precise (God, I hope he never ever gets to read this)

I had just graduated, so I am back home. I  hadn’t gotten a job yet. To be honest, I had nothing to do. No one to do. So maybe it was that intense cause I hadn’t had one in a while, or the jets just hit the spot right, either way, it was a day to behold!

Back in my fourth year, I was living the best life. The single girl life. I wanted no commitment whatsoever, but a girl still had her needs and some fun to be had. I mean, mbona umalize shule having slept with just one guy? One experience? I thought that the next guy I would end up meeting after school, falling for,  I’d probably end up getting married to, when I thought life was all diamonds and gold. 

Heh, how wrong I was! 

Ati maliza shule, immediately get a job, a well paying one in fact, like helloooo….you’re reading the rantings of a software engineer here! Get a car, a nice apartment by 25,,,,meet a nice boy, have some nice pretty babies. 

Like yoh! I had it all figured out, in my head. What I didn’t know, life rarely plays out as it does in our heads!

I was out to do all the nasty nasty I could, before my imaginary life happened that is. I got me a boytoy and took him on a ride to the kamasutra world! Yikes, that rhymed! It was fun, really really fun, I never told him this, me having been the older one, one year older. I was also learning a lot from him.

With my first boyfriend, I was a little shy. If he could meet the freak I am right now! Manze ntajiredeem! There are many things I might have wanted to try but because he’d had some experience, and to me, the inexperienced me, he was a god of his craft in his own right. I shied off from trying them. Why? Fear of failure I guess. Of rejection. What if I didn’t match up to what he was used  to? His previous girls? I don’t know why it never crossed my mind to just ask him. Ask him what he likes and how he likes it. Ask him to teach me how to do it, to show me. It is that simple imagine. Now I know better.

With my boy toy I didn’t have all those inhibitions. Kinda like you on alcohol. He didn’t know my past sexual experience so I had a completely empty canvas. Whatever I was to draw, his perspective of the picture, that was on me. And I became a freak. I told him he would be my guinea pig. I was so using him. Experimenting on him. All consensual of course. He, too, got the same deal. And he loved it. Everything I saw or heard about, I went and tried it out on him. Like a movie, a position I’d hear my girls talking about, I so tried. Girls talk, get over it. Even some moves I’d see on a video, a song, anything that gave me ideas, I made it happen. The kamasutra thing is not a lie by the way. I had it. The book, softcopy, and the video too. He was a bit shy to use it at first, I guess it’s because it might have messed with his masculinity, but a girl has her ways – there are more ways than one to skin a cat no?

That part of my life was super fun. I was free and wild and open to anything. I kinda regret how I treated him though, I could have been a better person. I really did like him. He was pretty cute, the type of guy you wanna have babies with. But at the time I just wanted some meat to keep my mind at peace on those irky days. We all need to be touched sometimes. That’s my love language I guess. Plus the secrecy and sneakiness added to the allure, when it started out. 

I told him I am the girl you never forget. I bet he still hasn’t!

Now back to me naked and wet in my dad’s shower. 

I am hitting every note of Beyonce's single ladies. Ze Bluetooth Device hapo tu kando. The jet head now acting as my microphone. I’m enjoying it, I’m moving it all over my body, washing every pore, leaving it a bit longer in the tricky areas. I’m talking about the armpits you perv!!,,,,hehe just kidding. I hit the spot, and I was startled for a minute. Like wait, hold up, what was that? What the hell was that! That beautiful tinge of electrocuted excitement? Where did that come from? 

Took the jets back to the spot and ulalala!!! Let me tell you Maina, I swear my eyeballs rolled backwards. 

Oh good god!

Since then, I have never looked back. Never in the bedroom arena. Never again! 

I had never known an orgasm could feel that good. Like toes and body curling in unnatural ways. 

Trust me when I say this, I had had good sex before. Great sex even. Been turned and tossed in positions and angles that make me shy just thinking about them. If you have gotten thus far, I am sure you can already tell. 

Been lucky enough to have fallen for guys who really genuinely liked me back. Cared for my feelings, wants and needs. Listened to me. They 100% got me there, none though, like the way I got me there that day. And knowing that it can get there, that’s the goal every time I take my clothes off. Usiponifikisha hapo nawadays daddy tembea, ain’t wasting my body and time on premature orgasms.

The very first paycheck I got, that check that came from The Independent Electoral and Boundaries Commission (IEBC) for my stellar work as their supervisor in the census exercise back in 2019, I ordered my first shipment. Early 2020, just before Rona, I received my toys from China. The business had begun!

I was like every girl should experience what I had just experienced. Masturbation was an irky word to me prior, but after then, I loved it. 

Side note, It never took away my craving for a man and human connection. But as I came to learn in time, it can also be brutally damaging. Come’s with everything good I guess. Too much of anything is poisonous they say, even love. 

That’s what I have come to learn. I thought I knew a lot. I thought being the open minded girl that I have always thought I've been, I had heard a lot about sex and sexuality. About orgasms and the female reproductive system. The male too. About pregnancy, abortion, sexual traumas and abuse. About body positivity and self image.

I didn’t know shit!

I never knew about how watching too much porn affects how long and fast you’ll go. I’ve had people open up to me about being sodomized as kids. About being addicted to masturbation in high school, so much so they would sneak off to do it in bathrooms even during exams. For some reason alcohol triggers my menses sometimes, I want to know why? From the proper people of course. How’s sex after babies? Does it change? Does it feel different? How does our physical or mental states affect intimacy with our partners? STIs, why is that topic such a taboo? Dating in this day and age, in the era of online dating, do they work? How do you build strong connections on such apps? There is so much info out here, it is pretty hard to figure out which is which. Which content should you absorb and which is just meant for clickbait. And it is not just about the girl child. The men too wanna know how we want to be pleased. Most of them out here actually want to please their women, the right way. I want us to learn all these together. Learn our bodies, our feelings, from the right people. 

Upon further and further research, both online and in person with different people, I got to learn that for sex or rather intimacy to be enjoyable and fulfilling, it has to involve the mental, the spiritual as well as the physical body. How we show and receive love highly depends on our attachment styles. Which in turn highly depends on how we were shown love as babies. The way your guardian picked you up, how long they let you cry, how long they soothed you and how fast they came when you were in distress….. 

I asked my good friend chat gpt to give us the three attachment styles and how they manifest in adult intimate relationships. Here’s what she said;

You

attachment styles and how they present themselves in adult romantic relationships

ChatGPT

ChatGPT

Sure, let's talk about how the three attachment styles can show up in adult romantic relationships:

• Secure Attachment:

• In romantic relationships, people with secure attachment styles feel comfortable getting close to others. They can trust their partner and are comfortable with both intimacy and independence.

• They can communicate their needs openly and are supportive of their partner's needs as well.

• For example, in a disagreement, someone with a secure attachment style might express their feelings calmly and work with their partner to find a solution.

• Anxious-Insecure Attachment:

• Adults with anxious attachment styles may worry a lot about their relationships. They might fear being abandoned or not being good enough.

• They may seek a lot of reassurance from their partner and might feel anxious if their partner needs some space.

• For instance, someone with an anxious attachment style might feel uneasy if their partner doesn't respond to a text right away and may need frequent validation of their partner's love.

• Avoidant-Insecure Attachment:

• Individuals with avoidant attachment styles might find it challenging to fully open up or rely on their partner emotionally.

• They might value their independence a lot and may feel uncomfortable with too much closeness.

• For example, someone with an avoidant attachment style might need space when they are upset and prefer to handle their emotions on their own.

It's important to note that these attachment styles are not set in stone, and people can change and develop more secure attachments through self-awareness and positive experiences in relationships. Additionally, individuals may display a combination of these attachment styles, and they might respond differently in various situations.

Here, we’ve touched on love, on sex, on relationships, on mental health and psychology, on past traumas and healing, on health, wellness and body positivity. It’s just not about sex and toys anymore, it's about happiness at its core. Or just the pursuit of it!

The first shipment I got was ok, but the toys weren’t really the exact quality I had hoped for. We grow and we learn right? They were made specific for the Chinese market. Achatu niachie hapo, if you know you know. Through my dms and social interactions, I have learnt so so much. I’m learning more and more each day. My next shipment, this a promise I am making to you all, will be the quality and design that you want. I do listen you know, I have gotten all your feedback sasa kazi ni kwangu and my team. 

Like hey, ladies, let’s make a condom that is easy to carry, why not even camouflage it? We are taking charge of our sexuality right? That you get delivered to your doorstep, in good supply….why go through the shame of getting it in a supermarket, we all know everyone on that queue is judging you. A type that’s thin or thick enough for maximum pleasure while still maintaining its basic functionality, protection. A type that smells good enough to still keep you in the mood. The allergies, let’s deal with them. Being allergic to latex should never again be the reason for a baby with the wrong guy!

I am dedicating the first series of my up and coming podcast “WALK A MILE IN MY SHOES” to this project. I am inviting anyone and everyone to come and share their stories. If it can help someone else watching or listening out there, there's a spot here for you. I am inviting experts in their fields, psychologists, therapists, sex counselors, gynecologists, Obs, all professional doctors really. Food nutritionists, relationship experts, sex experts, the lgbtq community, sexual assault victims….Simply put, if you have something to share that might impact someone else’s life positively, come, have a seat, let’s chat. Shoot me a dm or an email

dianafamba@gmail.com If you want your story heard, so that maybe someone somewhere is touched and changes their preconceived misconception, come now, jump on the bandwagon. 

Here, we are all about learning and unlearning. About acceptance and leading with heart. About achieving your full potential while still remaining true to who you are. Why not have major orgasms while at it hehehe…..

Cause anyway, life’s too short!

Happy humping!

Hasta la vista baby!

Dee’s out!